By Arnold Jansen op de Haar

I’ve lived in London for over a year now. ‘Dutch expats are critical of the Netherlands,’ I recently explained to some English friends. ‘And a lot of Dutch people live abroad, actually 1 in 17.’

‘But being critical of your country of birth is typically Dutch,’ I added.

Not so long ago, on Portobello market, I was chatting to a lady who had moved from London to Amsterdam. She enjoyed living there. ‘There’s much less of a class difference,’ she said. ‘Well,’ I answered, ‘in the Netherlands society is not sliced horizontally but instead divided vertically.’ This needed some explaining.

I actually wanted to say that naturally it’s not possible to be ennobled except by marrying a member of the Royal Family. And that Dutch people are mainly ‘middle class’. ‘And they all play hockey.’ And I had to admit that she had a point. But, above all, I wanted to point out that Dutch society is split vertically and that being pigeonholed is not always so great.

So I told her that, in contrast to the situation in London, where companies are often fully mixed, many Dutch companies and organisations are completely ‘white’. And that as an allochtoon (a rather odd Dutch word for immigrants and their descendants) in the Netherlands you have fewer opportunities, and you can only make it if being an allochtoon is your occupation.

An author whose grandparents were born in Morocco and who writes straightforwardly in Dutch is in the Netherlands still classified as a ‘Moroccan’ writer.

And that this difference from the situation in England may well be due to the fact that for many decades England has had an influx of well-educated immigrants from the Western world as well as from the rest of the world.

My own female GP hails from Greece, and the nurse who is concerned every time she checks my blood pressure is called Ching. Recently, she suggested we take up boxing together. ‘It will do you good,’ she said.

Dutch people look for friends among like-minded people, based on religious (atheistic) beliefs, on political preference, and even on culinary partiality (vegetarian versus non-vegetarian). There was even a Dutch professor who manipulated research results to prove that meat eaters are more aggressive.

That’s why the Dutch are so keen to steer the topic of conversation towards politics or religion. Because it’s important to establish each other’s affiliation. And these different segments of society live in their separate neighbourhoods. And, yes, that’s true even in Amsterdam.

When you’re living abroad, these things suddenly stand out. For example, the number of forms you have to complete in the Netherlands to get something sorted. And these forms are very user-unfriendly towards immigrants. ‘Well, they simply have to learn the language!’ Speaking Dutch doesn’t get you very far with world-wide communication.

I’m just getting into my stride.

Recently, a member of the House of Lords hit the headlines in quite a remarkable way, namely by snorting cocaine with two prostitutes. The Dutch papers made fun of it because, just like corruption, such a thing obviously doesn’t happen in the Netherlands.

So, although I’m not always proud of the country of my birth, I do like it when the Koeman brothers lead Southampton to victory. And when van Gaal loses a game, but that’s because I feel a bit ashamed of him.

And I have to admit that I regularly search the web for live webcams in Arnhem, the city I lived in for 27 years. One webcam is situated near the Vitesse (local football club) stadium, the other near the Papendal sports grounds. And then I just check what the weather is like over there.

© Arnold Jansen op de Haar
© Translation Holland Park Press