By Arnold Jansen op de Haar

Since living in England, I’ve been kept busy. This year, I’ve missed the Boat Race (since 1829) and the Chelsea Flower Show (since 1913), but I can still attend Ascot (since 1711), Wimbledon (since 1877), Trooping the Colour (birthday parade for the Head of State’s official birthday, first held in 1748), Glyndebourne (since 1934), the Henley Regatta (since 1839), the Last Night of the Proms (since 1895) or Cowes Week (since 1826).

It’s rather fortunate that there doesn’t flow any English, Irish, Welsh or Scottish blood through my veins, because otherwise I would be drunk on St George’s Day, St Patrick’s Day and St David’s Day, and drunkenly feast on haggis on Burns’ Night.

I don’t know of any other country with so many festivities, commemorations, and societies for the protection of this, that and the other, than the United Kingdom. It’s a small miracle that the whole country hasn’t ground to a halt.

It doesn’t let up: from the battle of Gallipoli (1915) and the battle of Waterloo (1815) to the Dunkirk evacuation (27 May – 4 June 1940) and the Magna Carta (15 June 1215). And this is also a special year because of the Battle of Britain (15 September 1940) and VE Day which marks the end of WW2. Not taking into account commemorations related to the Falklands, Afghanistan, and Iraq. If, during the forthcoming centuries, the United Kingdom continues in this vein, they may well run out of commemorations days.

But the country is also great on a small scale. So, I’m considering joining the Pork Pie Appreciation Society. Or would the Biscuit Appreciation Society be a better fit?

I’m getting deafer nowadays, so maybe I could join the London Deaf Chess Society. I’ve driven in an English car to the Netherlands and I didn’t hit anything (well, except a small pole when reversing), so why not become a member of the Roundabout Appreciation Society? (For lovers of roundabouts.) This conjures up an image of a packed coach on its way to Milton Keynes, capital of Roundabout country.

And now I’m living in London, I, too, can join the Dickens Fellowship. In this country, which well-known writer doesn’t have a society? England has more famous writers than any other country, and therefore also the most societies. But maybe there are still a few writers without an association. Let’s found one for well-known writers without friends.

Or maybe, it’s enjoyable after all, to stare at the clouds when laying on your back, during a meeting of the Cloud Appreciation Society. Are you interested in water towers? The British Water Appreciation Society may well be the thing for you. Or its competitor: the Pylon Appreciation Society. (For admirers of electricity pylons, 600 members.)

It’s that I don’t like gardening, otherwise I would make haste and attend the annual meeting of the Old Lawnmower Club. Enjoy admiring each other’s lawnmower (since 1990).

All sorts of things are restored in this country, for example by the Aldershot & District Omnibus Rescue & Restoration Society (buses), or by the Shropshire Union Fly-Boat Restoration Society, which looks after the last horse drawn canal boat. The first canal dug during the industrial revolution (1757), too, has a society: the Sankey Canal Restoration Society.

I can make my way there using one of the 108 historic railways: 1367 steam locomotives, 536 miles of railway track, and 411 stations.

I’m starting to feel quite at home, and I love this country more and more. The better you’re getting to know it, the odder it becomes.

Exiting the EU is not a foregone conclusion. Most polls show those favouring EU membership slightly ahead. A bit of advice for David Cameron: even though everyone in Europe sings in English, don’t have an EU referendum the day after the Eurovision Song Festival. Before you know it you have another fact to commemorate: ‘The Day We Walked out of Europe.’ And, is this a cause for celebration, or rather not?

© Arnold Jansen op de Haar
© Translation Holland Park Press