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Portobello’s Princesses5 May 2011 Zie Nederlandse versieby Arnold Jansen op de Haar In the early morning of 30 April, I am walking with my publisher along the deserted Notting Hill streets. It is the start of a new endeavour: taking publishing to Portobello Market. Holland Park Press’s premises are within walking distance. The market office is holding a lottery to assign pitches. A few lovely ladies are among the traders. One has taken her mother along, and with their two suitcases it looks as if they are going on holiday. Later it transpires that they are selling luxury knitwear. More and more men leave with their allocation. The lovely ladies remain. I am getting the feeling that this is going to be a wonderful day. We end up in the Arts & Crafts section. A woman appears at the window above one of the Spanish restaurants and shouts at us. We are lucky that she doesn’t come out of the house armed with a ladle. We are in the wrong place: it is supposed to be a terrace. There is no sign of ‘Danny’, who provides the stalls. After waiting for an hour I am tempted to start singing Oh Danny Boy. Danny apologises; he was stuck behind Portobello Market’s suppliers. Opposite us, two American girls arrive on Boris Bikes. One is sporting an enormous paper flower on her head. Their dresses are straight from the Lucille Ball era. Further along a middle-aged couple arranges china, a well oiled routine probably dating back to the start of their marriage. A charming black entrepreneur puts up marvellous dresses in African prints. My publisher can only just restrain herself from buying one there and then. We put out books and brochures plus a bowl of orange sweets which I have brought from the Netherlands to celebrate the Dutch Queen’s Birthday. ‘These orange tips look a bit suspect,’ says my publisher. Blimey, it’s now obvious that they look like orange nipples! It hadn’t occurred to me. A little while later, the mother of our neighbour will comment, ‘Men!’ A man notices the name of the publisher and it prompts him to announce that he is lobbying for an indoor swimming pool in Holland Park. ‘A swimming pool is what people need.’ Unfortunately he doesn’t have permanent residency. To the left a blond girl is selling jackets with a skull printed on the back. She could have come straight out of EastEnders; she has the right accent. In the mean time the number of prospective fiancées in this part of the market has risen to four. ‘I am a male Bridget Jones,’ I mumble. ‘Hi!’ The American girls hope their toothpaste smiles will sell their Royal Wedding gifts. They claim their first sale after two hours. It gets really busy between twelve and three. We attract mainly intellectuals. Out of the blue an elderly man informs my publisher that ‘my wife is a university lecturer’. When I explain that I have written three of the books on display a teenage girl asks, ‘Are you a writer?’ followed by, with growing amazement, ‘Really?!’ She nudges her mother and points me out but they stop short of taking a picture. Today, my poetry collection Yugoslav Requiem is the top-selling title. The first person who buys it is a Turkish gentleman; at least, that’s what he says he is. A little later he returns with the entire leadership of the Kurdish Liberation Front. ‘We are all Kurdish freedom fighters.’ The gentlemen haven’t failed to notice that we are next to a beautiful blond lady, the one who is selling luxury knitwear. Her mother watches over her treasure, ‘We left Eastbourne at three a.m. this morning. She is doing very well and has just graduated from university.’ This part of Portobello Market turns out to be like a village. I am beginning to recognise the locals; besides, by now they are saying hello. At the end of the afternoon an extremely beautiful Asian girl moves in very close. I guess she is in her twenties. She stares at the nipples. ‘Have you made them yourself?’ she asks, smiling most alluringly. I just answer, ‘Please take three.’ © Arnold Jansen op de Haar © Translation Holland Park Press You can leave your comment on our forum. Visit Arnold's home page to find out more about his other publications.
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