Literature created by politicians

[HarrySmith]

Dear Arnold:
A good selection of works by politicians or leaders which are well worth the read. As for Blair's memoirs, if it becomes available as a an audio book; it may replace water-boarding as a CIA interrogation tool.

[Marja]

Personally I think we need to discuss the book otherwise in the metaphorical sense you are just an egg thrower in Dublin. What is the next step? Burning of books? If you strongly disagree with someone you should be interested in what drives this person. Political memoirs are hardly ever literary gems but sometimes they do provide more insight. I am certainly not a fan of Peter Mandelson but all these discussions make it very tempting to read his memoirs.

[Arnold]

On the whole diplomats are experts in sweet talking and disguising their intentions.

WikiLeaks has told us what they are really up to. Wikileaks reads like a novel. Suddenly you can follow American diplomats’ trains of thought. Besides they also tell on politicians.

Libyan leader Colonel Muammar Gaddafi fears flying over water, he prefers staying on the ground floor and almost never travels without his Ukrainian nurse Galyna Kolotnytska, ‘a voluptuous blonde’, according to US documents released this Sunday by WikiLeaks.

A great opening line: Colonel Muammar Gaddafi feared flying over water, preferred staying on the ground floor and almost never travelled without his Ukrainian nurse Galyna Kolotnytska, ‘a voluptuous blonde’.

‘Cut the head of the snake,’ said the king of Saudi Arabia about the Iranian nuclear programme. This is a wonderful title for a novel. WikiLeaks had just about released this when two eminent nuclear scientists were ambushed in Iran. You could not have made it up.

I recommend that any novelist writing about politicians or conflicts consults WikiLeaks forthwith.

I think you learn far much about a country by reading a novel about it than relying on odd quotes from WikiLeaks. Leave it to the novelists to write a book, populated by real life characters.

For me, The Bridge Over The Drina by Ivo Andrić, was a great help in understanding the Bosnian conflict. This in turn assisted me when writing my debut novel King of Tuzla.

Therefore I would encourage American diplomats to read a novel about the country in which they are based. The quotes may well get even better.

[Arnold]

In 2006 a Dutch book was published with the sub-title Poets at the Binnenhof (the Dutch Parliament is located at the Binnenhof). The editors selected fragments from political speeches and scrutinised transcripts of debates of the Second Chamber. From time to time a few snippets, put together in the right order, formed a beautiful poem.

Therefore the House of Commons transcripts should certainly contain a few gems. The words House of Commons already provide a splendid title for a poem.

Just a brief look at the text from the last day the House of Commons was sitting in 2010 (21 December) revealed two fragments I could immediately use. Simply add a title and the poem is complete.

Lonely Christmas

I am glad that the shadow Chancellor
reminds the House of the terrible
economic inheritance…,
because at the moment
the Christmas lights are on
but there’s no one at home.

George Osborne


Nightmare Experience

While travelling on a gap year
in New Zealand, one of my constituents
had a nightmare experience
when she was left with no access to money
after her bank cancelled her card.

Jo Swinson (East Dunbartonshire) (LD)

I invite you all to have a go and create a poem this way. I am looking forward to receiving your entries, please email: submissions@hollandparkpress.co.uk. Go back to main website or Arnold Jansen op de Haar's home page.

[Arnold]

The House of Commons transcripts (17 February) contain another poem:

Just a Common Guy

On the night of the "black and white" party,
I was at my desk working, actually,
And then I had a half of mild
At a working men's club.

The Minister for Further Education, Skills and Lifelong Learning (Mr John Hayes)

[Arnold]

Looking through the House of Commons transcripts again resulted in a number of poems, this time from Nick Clegg

Getting The Facts Right

I think the hon. Gentleman asked,
“Is he right?”,
but Lousewies van der Laan is a lady;
I think we should get such facts right.

Occasionally we come across Nick Clegg, the philosopher.

Philosophy

When the manager of a football club
attends an away game,
he is still the manager.

In any case Nick Clegg is a dab hand at short poems, take this one:

Over-rehearsed

That was another much-rehearsed question.
I merely sigh at the laborious way
in which these questions have been rehearsed
and over-rehearsed.

At other times he acts as the cleaner

Unholy Mess

As the right hon. and learned Lady knows very well,
this Government have the unenviable, difficult task
of clearing up the unholy
mess that she left.

These lines led me to think that they may well be drinking heavily in ‘the other place’:

Loquacious Late Night

It is indeed a spectacle to see on the television
that former Members of this House
who were virtually monosyllabic here
have become so very loquacious in the other place.
particularly late at night.

[Arnold]

Two more 'poems' from the House of Commons

A Big Favour

He might have said,
"I'll do you all a favour:
I've hit you on the head
with one big hammer,
so I'm not coming back
with another."

Sir Stuart Bell (Middlesbrough) (Lab) (23 March)


No Elbows

South West Trains expects its passengers
not only not to work while travelling
in standard class
but not to have elbows either.

Penny Mordaunt (Portsmouth North) (Con) (9 March)

[Thinkingthesame]

It was good and bad. For a second there, I forgot what I was talking about. Then i remembered- just to make the world a better place. I feel like i shouldn't go into detail, cause I have a really cool idea and there's a lot of power and money there, even if you wanted nothing from it. I think it what's supposed to heal all the wounds our world is facing and we already use it. It's right there so close to you, you can't see it. I can't see it. Anyway, I think I'm gonna stop talking and play my guitar. Elton John is singing Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds on Itunes.

[Thinkingthesame]

Two more 'poems' from the House of Commons

A Big Favour

He might have said,
"I'll do you all a favour:
I've hit you on the head
with one big hammer,
so I'm not coming back
with another."
You, my friend shall not worry
I do believe that is not your task
I do not want it to be mine either,
but I'm not really me
and taking care of that is your task
Sir Stuart Bell (Middlesbrough) (Lab) (23 March)


No Elbows

South West Trains expects its passengers
not only not to work while travelling
in standard class
but not to have elbows either.

Penny Mordaunt (Portsmouth North) (Con) (9 March)

[Arnold]

Royal Personages

Nowadays royalty often speak in aphorisms and in the first person. The following two examples show this clearly however touching they may be, especially taking into account the royal wedding:

A Good Boy

I'm always open for people saying I'm wrong
because most of the time I am.

Prince William

Mum

I live for my sons.
I would be lost without them.

Princess Diana

We have to go way back to find a genuine royal poet.

THE DOUBT OF FUTURE FOES
by: Queen Elizabeth I (1533-1603)

THE doubt of future foes exiles my present joy,
And wit me warns to shun such snares as threaten mine annoy;
For falsehood now doth flow, and subjects' faith doth ebb,
Which should not be if reason ruled or wisdom weaved the web.
But clouds of joy untried do cloak aspiring minds,
Which turn to rain of late repent by changed course of winds.
The top of hope supposed the root upreared shall be,
And fruitless all their grafted guile, as shortly ye shall see.
The dazzled eyes with pride, which great ambition blinds,
Shall be unsealed by worthy wights whose foresight falsehood finds.
The daughter of debate that discord aye doth sow
Shall reap no gain where former rule still peace hath taught to know.
No foreign banished wight shall anchor in this port;
Our realm brooks not seditious sects, let them elsewhere resort.
My rusty sword through rest shall first his edge employ
To poll their tops that seek such change or gape for future joy

Marvellous! I would recommend contemporary politicians and royalty to try their hand at poetry. In the mean time I continue my investigation.